Waltraud Kuon - I tell you about me

When I was 13 years old, I perceived for the first time consciously my body.

I had never before been aware of what I saw when I looked into the mirror. I was confronted with a surprisingly pretty young girl, slim and tall. I had long legs, a tender and delicate body and long brown hair down to my waist. My face was beautiful with very fine skin like an angel. I almost couldn’t trust my eyes. For the time being I was very lucky, but I lived this state of happiness only for a short time. Suddenly insults, humiliations and degradations from my surroundings were every day’s programme. At that time I was not yet able to interpret this violating behaviour towards me as a merely jealous attitude. I took it for granted. I believed it.

From thereon I started to destroy myself by letting my eating habits slide into an unhealthy state. I became seriously ill.
I only have eaten chocolate and other worthless sweets of all kind, and within a few months I gained 20 kilos of weight.
Hate, rejection and self-despise were my companions day and night. Somehow I felt captured but was not in the position to apprehend this imprisonment as a morbid state.

During 20 years I changed to and fro from an only food-swallowing attitude into a totally depressive position without eating anything at all.
There seemed to be no way out of this hell, until I discovered by chance
a book about “LOVING MYSELF”. It was written by Louise Hay, called “Health for body and soul”.
This book was the trigger for slowly changing my whole attitude towards myself.

The desire aim I strived for with all my endeavours was: Loving myself.
I found a way:
Every evening I enlightened a candle and looked into the mirror in my bathroom repeating the words:
Waltraud, I love you form the bottom of my heart, 10 - 100 – 1000 times.